Yes, But Can You Play Us a Tune?
Here's a weird story from childhood. I was in the 4th Grade and one of my teachers came up with a rather unique assignment for our class for Halloween. I don't remember her name but I do remember that she was the only teacher in our school who insisted on being referred to as "Ms." which should tell you something. This was the early '70s and she fancied herself to be quite the radical. She'd occasionally and without warning launch into bitter diatribes about "those fat cats in Washington" which needless to say sailed right over the heads of her 9-year old audience. This was the same year that we had a teachers strike at our school and I have no doubt she was one of the ringleaders. I can just see her in the Teachers Lounge, clenched fist raised, angrily shouting "Right on, Sister!" and "Power to The People!" Yeesh.

Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, weird Halloween story. I don't know what the motivation was, maybe all the 16mm films were already checked out of the AV Department and she needed something else to keep us occupied while she and her co-conspirators plotted their overthrow of The Man. Or maybe she just wanted to grab a smoke in the parking lot. But for whatever reason she brought in a cheesy Halloween sound effects record, plugged in one of those cool all-in-one school record players (I actually own one of these now) and gave us our assignment: As the record played we were to write a short story about what we were hearing. Just "let your mind wander" and "use your imagination" she said. I did mention that this was a HALLOWEEN SOUND EFFECTS record right? So you tell me, where exactly do you think a 9-year old's mind is going to wander to with that kind of source material? That's right. Straight to Nowhere Good. The track I remember most clearly was called "Chinese Water Torture" which consisted of nothing more than the sound of water slowly dripping interspersed with a man screaming and begging for mercy. Your tax dollars hard at work my friend.

So that's pretty weird right? I mean, come on, you gotta admit. But you know what makes the whole thing not only even weirder but downright funny too? The record was put out by Disney. Yep, good ol' Disney. It was called "Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House" and here it is, in its entirety. So get out your Number 2 pencil and a clean sheet of paper, boys and girls because class is now in session!

Click on any of the tracks below to listen

Now For Some REALLY Groovy Sounds!
You know, I could go on for days linking to sites with downloads of cornball haunted house sound effects and stuff. Thanks to Google that's like bobbing for apples without the water. If you're in need I'd recommend checking out Scar Stuff, Magic Carpet Burn and the Mostly Ghostly Music Sharing Blaaahhhggg!!! to start. Instead here's some really GREAT stuff to play at your party tonight or while you're driving around smashing mailboxes and egging little kids. These are all FREE compilations and are yours for the taking. Just click on the images and depending which one you pick, you'll either be taken to the main site, a free file hosting page or the download will start automatically. These are all safe sites - no tricks here! Enjoy.

Well there you have it, kiddies! Enjoy your treats, have a happy Halloween and remember to look both ways before crossing the street tonight. Until next time I remain...

Your Fiend in Film,

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